Taylor Swift is so right about you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
