ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
