How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she peed on how many people?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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