; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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