A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
