The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
