how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
