my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
