he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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