did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
