You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
