she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
