So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
