I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
