I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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