Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
COCAINE IS GR8
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
