ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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