you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
