so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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