Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
