booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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