I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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