That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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