I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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