I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think your dad took our porno
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
