My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
