I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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