we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
