I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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