I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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