Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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