Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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