I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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