Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
