i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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