I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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