so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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