Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
