At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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