I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
