Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
