she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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