I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize