Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
