I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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