meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
