You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
