after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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