An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
