She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
