kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
