Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
