Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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