everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are two peas in an std pod
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
