someone get that fucking seahorse.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
