My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
