I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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