dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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