I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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