Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
