ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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