The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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