the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
