He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
