Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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