Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
