You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
