apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
