Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
