I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
