Jerry, you need to find god
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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