The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
