If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
