I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
