I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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