Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
