So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
