You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
